Lucid

The train stops at the rain slick station. The lights are going out on the platform. No one has ever seen the sky from here, but you can tell it's black outside. It will be black here too, very soon. {= (if: $gift is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a cutlass at your waist.]] --- You could climb the stairs up to the [[station]], there is light up there. You could get back on the train and take it to the [[terminal]]. You could wait here for the [[dark]].

{= (if: $salamander is true)[(goto: "station2")] You take the stairs. They are tall and they take the breath out of you. Behind you the lights go out as the darkness chases you up into the station. A guard waits by the folding shutters that lead out onto the street. It's dark out there but there are lamps that light the pavement And puddles that reflect the light with a chitinous gleam. (if: $gift is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a cutlass at your waist.]] --- You could hurry out into the [[street]]. You could take a look around the [[station entrance]]. Why not? You'll never be here again.

You take a seat back on the train. There are no other passengers left in the carriage, everybody got off long ago. It's bright and warm in here. The seat smells like old, clean sheets. There are three lights outside, cat's eyes somewhere between the dark sky and the dark city. No telling if they are stars on the horrizon or high rises. They are miles apart, and have nothing to do with each other. The train shakes you as it [[departs]].

The train leaves. The windows in its rear carriage are lightless, but the wet rails blow you an electric kiss as it departs. The lights go out in the station. They start at the far end of the platform. There is a hole there that looks out on the sky, but there are no stars. It is as black as a cellar. Then the lights around you go out. You didn't notice that they were humming until they were [[silent]].

The lights exit, stage right in your window frame. The blackness of an infinite theatre. The tracks click time. The suspension hisses. You are heading to the terminal. The last stop. Between here and there, nothing can hurt you or help you or care who you are. Your journey is [[over|Lucid]].

It's quiet now. It's very dark but it feels safe. There is a screech as somewhere a guard pulls a gate closed. It's now too late to leave. The last light to go out is on the stairs and then you are really alone in the dark. Nobody is coming. Your journey [[ends|Lucid]] here.

You are on the bank of a wide road, a major throughfare, a fat organ of the city, a Y like an insult. You stand behind a railing with the lightless [[station|station closed]] behind you. Cars hiss by, wishing over the wet tarmac in the dark they keep their beams low and their windows up. Tower blocks climb the hill on the far side of the intersection. The sky is faultless darkness, but the air presses on you like a thumb. {= (set: $shopsee to true) (if: $gun is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a gun in your pocket.] ] (if: $gift is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a cutlass at your waist.] ] (if: $wine is true)[(text-style:"sway")[You have a bottle of wine in your hand.] ] (if: $salamander is true)[(set: $hunger to it +1)] (if: $hunger is 9)[(goto: "lunges")] (if: $hunger is 2)[(text-style:"fidget")[The salamander follows you, his expression is vacant.] ] (if: $hunger is 3)[(text-style:"sway")[The salamander follows you, he watches you with fascination.] ] (if: $hunger is 4)[(text-style:"buoy")[The salamander follows you, his chest swells as he breathes.] ] (if: $hunger is 5)[(text-style:"shudder")[The salamander follows you, he shuffles and twitches urgently.] ] (if: $hunger is 6)[(text-style:"rumble")[The salamander follows you, his whole body convulses with repressed energy.] ] (if: $hunger is 7)[(text-style:"rumble")[(text-colour:#f18585)[The salamander follows you, blood flushes his quivering white skin.]] ] (if: $hunger is 8)[(text-style:"rumble")[(text-colour:red)[The salamander follows you, blood vessels burst beneath his flesh, teeth gnash, claws tremble.]] ] --- You might visit a little one o'clock [[shop]] that is next to the station. It has a illegible sign in neon green. You could take your chances and dash through the [[traffic]]. You could walk down the hill towards the [[park|parkway]]. (if: ($salamander is true) and ($gift is true))[You could [[chop the salamander's throat]]. ] (if: ($salamander is true) and ($gun is true))[You could [[shoot the salamander in the head|shoot him in the head]]. ]

The station is brush stroke clean, grime describes it's edges. The ticket office is locked behind a steel shutter. The glass reflects you. There was a [[coffee]] stand, now it is closed like a puzzlebox. A rack is mounted on the wall filled with [[pamphlets]] the colour of medicine. The [[guard]], you can tell, is waiting for you to leave. But it's light in here. It's tarmac layered over concrete warm. You could stay. {= (if: $gift is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a cutlass at your waist.]] --- You could [[leave|street]].

No coffee for [[you|station entrance]].

Before you look closely at the guard you are only aware of the outer shape. Navy blue transport worker's suit. Neon high vis orange with lemon straps. Peaked cap and black shoes. When you look closer you see that the guard has no particular kind of face. It is no particular kind of colour. It is no particular kind of shape. It has no sentiment. No preference. No eyes to see. No mouth to speak. It is a face that has no particular features at all but it simply waits To close the [[station|station entrance]].

You open a pamphlet that has the title "What to do in case" in lettering the colour of trains. There is a picture on the front of a house with glass walls. Inside the house there are no people, and the furniture looks too nice. You read the pamphlet. It advises: * Do not attempt to enter the house. The rest is just graphics without sentiment. --- You could fold the pamphlet into an [[iris]]. You could leave and [[never look back|station entrance]].

Your fingers feel like they are trying to knot themselves together. You can remember the iris pattern, but your hands won't cooperate. You tear through the pamphlet like a bad love letter. The sensation is so horrible that you thrust your hands into your pockets where you can forget them. You feel the stare of the [[guard|the guard doesn't care]]. Don't look at him, [[get out|street]]. [[GET OUT|street]].

The guard isn't looking at you. It has no eyes and no opinions. It is a benevolent blank. It is waiting for you to [[leave|street]].

The shop is whitewashed. Every wall, every shelf, every steel bracket every brass fixture, slapped with smooth, milk white. If you look closely you can see how badly the job was done, where ancient layers of paint ooze over eachother in beaded strands. All the colour in the shop comes from the tightly arranged [[groceries]]. And the places where the wood splits and bristles pine splinters at the edges of the counter. The store is empty except for the [[shopkeeper]]. He awaits a transaction. {= (set: $shopsee to true) (if: $gun is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a gun in your pocket.] ] (if: $gift is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a cutlass at your waist.] ] (if: $wine is true)[(text-style:"sway")[You have a bottle of wine in your hand.] ] (if: $salamander is true)[(set: $hunger to it +1)] (if: $hunger is 9)[(goto: "lunges")] (if: $hunger is 2)[(text-style:"fidget")[The salamander follows you, his expression is vacant.] ] (if: $hunger is 3)[(text-style:"sway")[The salamander follows you, he watches you with fascination.] ] (if: $hunger is 4)[(text-style:"buoy")[The salamander follows you, his chest swells as he breathes.] ] (if: $hunger is 5)[(text-style:"shudder")[The salamander follows you, he shuffles and twitches urgently.] ] (if: $hunger is 6)[(text-style:"rumble")[The salamander follows you, his whole body convulses with repressed energy.] ] (if: $hunger is 7)[(text-style:"rumble")[(text-colour:#f18585)[The salamander follows you, blood flushes his quivering white skin.]] ] (if: $hunger is 8)[(text-style:"rumble")[(text-colour:red)[The salamander follows you, blood vessels burst beneath his flesh, teeth gnash, claws tremble.]] ] --- If you aren't going to buy anything you could ask for [[directions]]. If you aren't going to ask for directions you could [[leave|street]]. (if: ($salamander is true) and ($gift is true))[You could [[chop the salamander's throat]]. ] (if: ($salamander is true) and ($gun is true))[You could [[shoot the salamander in the head|shoot him in the head]]. ]

You watch for the traffic, Time for it, Choose your moment And then you jump the rail. You are [[hit]] immediately.

Absent of the residential crush, Your horizons broaden And the world opens to accommodate the common. The space is an oblique, black shape beneath the lightless sky, Bisected by a straight path Lined with chestnut trees poisoned by traffic, Willows with bread loaf tumours and spotted leaves And old faces made of shadows Cast by the lamposts and their sodium-vapour purr. A [[man]] buried in layers sits on a bench in the glow, The grey track and the sodden grass illuminated at his feet. In the park-woods at the end of the path Something bright is shining behind the trees. {= (set: $shopsee to true) (if: $gun is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a gun in your pocket.] ] (if: $gift is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a cutlass at your waist.] ] (if: $wine is true)[(text-style:"sway")[You have a bottle of wine in your hand.] ] (if: $salamander is true)[(set: $hunger to it +1)] (if: $hunger is 9)[(goto: "lunges")] (if: $hunger is 2)[(text-style:"fidget")[The salamander follows you, his expression is vacant.] ] (if: $hunger is 3)[(text-style:"sway")[The salamander follows you, he watches you with fascination.] ] (if: $hunger is 4)[(text-style:"buoy")[The salamander follows you, his chest swells as he breathes.] ] (if: $hunger is 5)[(text-style:"shudder")[The salamander follows you, he shuffles and twitches urgently.] ] (if: $hunger is 6)[(text-style:"rumble")[The salamander follows you, his whole body convulses with repressed energy.] ] (if: $hunger is 7)[(text-style:"rumble")[(text-colour:#f18585)[The salamander follows you, blood flushes his quivering white skin.]] ] (if: $hunger is 8)[(text-style:"rumble")[(text-colour:red)[The salamander follows you, blood vessels burst beneath his flesh, teeth gnash, claws tremble.]] ] --- You could could stop and [[talk|approach]] to the man. You could press on to the [[woods]]. You could return to the [[main road|parkway]]. (if: ($salamander is true) and ($gift is true))[You could [[chop the salamander's throat]]. ] (if: ($salamander is true) and ($gun is true))[You could [[shoot the salamander in the head|shoot him in the head]]. ]

The station is as closed as it can be, muzzled by its shutters and the platform swallowed in the dark. The guard has locked themself inside. They must have a secret way out. Only they know for sure. You can only [[speculate|street]].

This is what it's like to be hit by a car you didn't see coming: The high beams light you up, Your body tenses but it's a //second// or else you'd be clear- In that second the world is blindingly bright. The night is erased and you are surrounded, embraced, by crystal light Moth wing bright, Blinding as glass shards. That moment lasts for as long as it takes you to regret it for the rest of your life and then the light goes out on the hood of the car. The impact is so powerful that it crushes the part of your brain That remembers it. You'll never recall the pain, but the shape of it, the blank space, Will live in your skull. Sometimes it will attack you in the night like a hammer. And you'll fly. Like a matchstick blowing in the wind, you'll turn over and over Over and over in the the empty city. You'll turn over and over. You'll fly over the city into the black sky. You'll never land. You'll never break. Your journey will never [[end|Lucid]].

{= (set: $sheckles to true) (set: $wine to false) (set: $cereal to false) (set: $gun to false) (set: $bruja to 1) (set: $glass to 0) (set: $drink to false) (if: $salamander is true)[(text-style:"shudder")[ Your eyes open and you are] [[lucid.|Begin]]] (else:)[Your eyes open, and you are [[lucid.|Begin]]]

The commodities offered by the shop are displayed in tightly regimented rows. Boxes of cereal, uniform masks of anarchy adorning the face of every packet. Bottles of Wine, each a slender, translucent gem- Ruby rosé like prayer beads, emerald corridors of Chablis, Shiraz black as onyx. {= --- (if: $sheckles is true)[You have two sheckles in your pocket, enough to make a single purchase. You could demob a [[box of cereal|cereal boxes]] You could liberate a [[bottle of wine|wine]] You could [[save your money|shop]] ] (else:)[You are penniless and [[powerless to obtain groceries|shop]] ]

The shopkeeper is tall, vertical like a ladder to the extent that his entire head climbs out of view. You cannot discern the features of his chin Only speculate on the poetry of his eyes, Everything there is to read is in his hands and his posture. They make an offer To be a fixed point in a chain of transactions They will accept inquiries And [[currency|shop]].

You ask the shopkeeper for directions. His voice speaks out of the ceiling, but you know it belongs to him by the flexation of his chest. "Where would you like to be?" --- You'd like to go [[home]] You'd like to get [[away]]

You take a cereal box from the shelf. It is decorated with the image of a tiger, copper leaf for its orange fur, The black stripes are bottomless [[fractals]]. The legend tells of Frosted Flakes. But the box is heavy. [[Heavier than flakes however frosted|gun]].

You take the first bottle of wine that comes to hand. It's a bottle of something red With a name written so gothic that the scribe can't of cared to share it, Claret perhaps. The neck is sealed under a hood like a suspect If it could speak It would plead silence. Studies have shown that all wine is gastronomically [[identical]]. You take it to the shopkeeper And exchange it for two coins. You realise you have no means to open it. It's too late, the ritual is complete. The price has been paid. {= (set: $wine to true) (set: $sheckles to false) You will carry the bottle until you surrender it to the [[universe.|shop]]

{= (set: $salamander to false) (set: $gift to false) (set: $hunger to 0) (set: $red to true) (set: $god to false) (set: $monster to false) (set: $schoolsee to false) (set: $towersee to false) (set: $shopsee to false)

When you stare into the fractals they seem to move Or you seem to be falling into the face of the tiger But never approaching it. It isn't clear if the stripes are moving Or you are moving Or if everything is moving around you. You share a look with the cereal box And your eyes agree That if everything is moving That is the same as being [[still|cereal boxes]].

You open the cereal box and discover a gun, A snub nosed 48. All eight chambers are loaded. You were wrong, It was not a cereal box but a gun box. You feel the hidden face of the cashier watching you. You know his law. You opened it You [[bought it.]]

You hand the shopkeeper two sheckles for the gun. You can't see his face to tell if he is judging you But his hands tremble as they take the coins. The gun fits in your pocket. {= (set: $gun to true) (set: $sheckles to false) Its weight [[increases|shop]].

The shopkeeper shakes his head, You can tell by the slight swaying of his upper body "I'd stay out for the night if I was you." He says "Find a room, find a place to hide. Get lost. Don't go into the house tonight." He seems earnest But you have to wonder at his words, The night is long and Who can tell if it will ever end? Maybe every other sunrise there has ever been was just [[Dumb luck|shop]].

The shopkeeper laughs. The ceiling shakes, Reverberating with his tall voice "You're as far out as there is to go." He says. You cannot [[disagree.|shop]]

Sommeliers are liars. [[Fight me.|wine]]

You walk down the hill towards the common Flanking an A road on its slide down from the intersection. The air, cool and close, Silver sheen on the pavement, Recent rains guttering down the decline. Traffic thins. Terraces huddle under the night, The streetlights draw a nimbus where their rooves cower from the sky. A [[side street]] offers you an invitation like the hollow in a tree. A set of traffic lights promise you safe passage to the far side, Where the [[tower blocks]] have been absorbed into the darkness. {= (set: $shopsee to true) (if: $gun is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a gun in your pocket.] ] (if: $gift is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a cutlass at your waist.] ] (if: $wine is true)[(text-style:"sway")[You have a bottle of wine in your hand.] ] (if: $salamander is true)[(set: $hunger to it +1)] (if: $hunger is 9)[(goto: "lunges")] (if: $hunger is 2)[(text-style:"fidget")[The salamander follows you, his expression is vacant.] ] (if: $hunger is 3)[(text-style:"sway")[The salamander follows you, he watches you with fascination.] ] (if: $hunger is 4)[(text-style:"buoy")[The salamander follows you, his chest swells as he breathes.] ] (if: $hunger is 5)[(text-style:"shudder")[The salamander follows you, he shuffles and twitches urgently.] ] (if: $hunger is 6)[(text-style:"rumble")[The salamander follows you, his whole body convulses with repressed energy.] ] (if: $hunger is 7)[(text-style:"rumble")[(text-colour:#f18585)[The salamander follows you, blood flushes his quivering white skin.]] ] (if: $hunger is 8)[(text-style:"rumble")[(text-colour:red)[The salamander follows you, blood vessels burst beneath his flesh, teeth gnash, claws tremble.]] ] --- You could continue down towards the [[park.|park]] You could investigate the [[side street.|school]] You could cross at the lights into the [[housing estate.|estateway]] You could return to the [[intersection|street]] if you lack the courage of your convictions. (if: ($salamander is true) and ($gift is true))[You could [[chop the salamander's throat]]. ] (if: ($salamander is true) and ($gun is true))[You could [[shoot the salamander in the head|shoot him in the head]]. ]

A residential street branching off a main road Has a pleasing liminal quality, Especially in a night where there are no stars, When no destination Can be considered [[desirable.|parkway]]

The housing blocks rear up beyond the cowering terraces Like a generation to come. That way is lost in blackness, The lights are out- Save one- An eye above the thirteenth floor. A cylcops lantern. A yellow beacon. It's bright there for sure, It seems to promise life is going on in hiding. {= (set: $towersee to true) It always is [[somewhere.|parkway]]

The side street does not agree with its definition. An ancient school building, summoned by an era when public buildings were palaces and palaces were fortified museums, Stands at the head of the pavement Shut up and silent. You look past the spearheads at its gates And up into its minarets and its cathedral towers. {= (if: $red is true)[There is a red light on in the assembly hall Like a heart Burning in its sleep. ] (set: $schoolsee to true) (if: $gun is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a gun in your pocket.] ] (if: $gift is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a cutlass at your waist.] ] (if: $wine is true)[(text-style:"sway")[You have a bottle of wine in your hand.] ] (if: $salamander is true)[(set: $hunger to it +1)] (if: $hunger is 9)[(goto: "lunges")] (if: $hunger is 2)[(text-style:"fidget")[The salamander follows you, his expression is vacant.] ] (if: $hunger is 3)[(text-style:"sway")[The salamander follows you, he watches you with fascination.] ] (if: $hunger is 4)[(text-style:"buoy")[The salamander follows you, his chest swells as he breathes.] ] (if: $hunger is 5)[(text-style:"shudder")[The salamander follows you, he shuffles and twitches urgently.] ] (if: $hunger is 6)[(text-style:"rumble")[The salamander follows you, his whole body convulses with repressed energy.] ] (if: $hunger is 7)[(text-style:"rumble")[(text-colour:#f18585)[The salamander follows you, blood flushes his quivering white skin.]] ] (if: $hunger is 8)[(text-style:"rumble")[(text-colour:red)[The salamander follows you, blood vessels burst beneath his flesh, teeth gnash, claws tremble.]] ] --- You could flee back to the [[main road|parkway]]. You could skate the dragon and slip down towards the [[common|park]]. (if: $red is true) [You could climb those gates. You could look in at a [[window|tresspass]]. ] (if: ($salamander is true) and ($gift is true))[You could [[chop the salamander's throat]]. ] (if: ($salamander is true) and ($gun is true))[You could [[shoot the salamander in the head|shoot him in the head]]. ]

You are received by the parliament of towers, The high rise fold, The brutalist estate square Emerging from the close like giants looming over a green plain. The titans observe nothing. They are sleeping and sealed. Only one light in the courtyard etches them against a black sky Causing the shadows to drip down their features, Balconies like ribs on a cetacean skeleton, Windows like hundreds of eyes, curtained shut, Down to where the rain collects in the foundation cracks And pools at the base, jet flat beneath the pressing night. Only one giant is awake. A single yellow eye above the thirteenth floor. {= (set: $shopsee to true) (if: $gun is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a gun in your pocket.] ] (if: $gift is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a cutlass at your waist.] ] (if: $wine is true)[(text-style:"sway")[You have a bottle of wine in your hand.] ] (if: $salamander is true)[(set: $hunger to it +1)] (if: $hunger is 9)[(goto: "lunges")] (if: $hunger is 2)[(text-style:"fidget")[The salamander follows you, his expression is vacant.] ] (if: $hunger is 3)[(text-style:"sway")[The salamander follows you, he watches you with fascination.] ] (if: $hunger is 4)[(text-style:"buoy")[The salamander follows you, his chest swells as he breathes.] ] (if: $hunger is 5)[(text-style:"shudder")[The salamander follows you, he shuffles and twitches urgently.] ] (if: $hunger is 6)[(text-style:"rumble")[The salamander follows you, his whole body convulses with repressed energy.] ] (if: $hunger is 7)[(text-style:"rumble")[(text-colour:#f18585)[The salamander follows you, blood flushes his quivering white skin.]] ] (if: $hunger is 8)[(text-style:"rumble")[(text-colour:red)[The salamander follows you, blood vessels burst beneath his flesh, teeth gnash, claws tremble.]] ] --- You could leave the estate and return to the [[main road|parkway]]. You could enter the [[tower|stairbound]]. (if: ($salamander is true) and ($gift is true))[You could [[chop the salamander's throat]]. ] (if: ($salamander is true) and ($gun is true))[You could [[shoot the salamander in the head|shoot him in the head]]. ]

You catch yourself on the railings You scrape a knee in the playground Your mouth is eating your heartbeat when your Face reflects in the ground floor window- Black glass reflecting street lamps You in between And then the red behind the mirror. You get closer. You get as [[close as you dare.]]

Past the window the hall is dark. The red light does not illuminate But describes that darkness, Gives it a measure, A pace Black - Red - Black - Red - Red like a wound Black like a hole. Red- Black- Red- --- [[Black|school]] turn back. [[Red]] go ahead.

You take a security door into the building, You guess correctly That the code to the four digit lock Is 1,2,3 [[4]]

It's dark behind the door But the red light tells you to turn right into the hall. You can see the black corners That pulse When the wound glows. You can't [[turn back]] from here, Your orbit is terminal, Your descent has already [[begun]].

You can't turn back but you can stop here If you want. Why not? Why not stay here, You are as much you here as you were anywhere else. You are as much doomed now as you have ever been. What is life if it's not [[stalling|procrastination]].

The hall is empty except for the body heat, 38 degrees feverish, Rising. The floor squeaks, Tacky with phys ed sweat, Grimy with electric tape and wax polish. You can't see so much as smell the space. But there is enough light When the red beat strikes To make the old walls Bloody With the watery glow And to see the way The shadows close in like a [[jaw.|jaw]]

What can you see? Hideous red light and indoor darkness, next. What can you hear? Nothing. But it's a nothing with a rhythm, Like silence with a groove, No like silence took a bad pill on the dance floor, Like your stomach slipped you a suicide note, Like arhythmia where every Stroke is the bad one. Ugh. [[Stop.|4]]

The school eats you alive. Not at all surprising, You were certain it would from the very first day. They used to make you prey here, Taught you about homophones and stripped you down to your underpants To stretch on the greasy floor, Provoked vomiting fits in the hall at lunchtime And put you on a table with your Face turned to the wall And told you every day To grow up So you could get old enough to die. You remember writing something on the wall, Scored a red wound in the brick By the exhaust pipes that steamed like dragons In a secret language noone could read, Not even you. You wonder what it said. You wonder if it's still there, Somewhere inside the monster, Down in the black of it At the very [[end.|Lucid]]

You draw the gun and fire into the light. The gunshot breaks in your eardrum So the bulb pops in silence. The light goes out. The monster is dead Long live the [[monster.|monster]]

You are in the mouth of a monster Where it wears its heart, A naked lightbulb Strangling from the ceiling. Any second now It intends to swallow. The pressure is immense, You are thousands of fathoms below And there is [[no escape.|swallowed]] {= (if: $gun is true)[[And you have a gun in your pocket.|slayer]]

It's not easy navigating back through the total darkness, You cut your elbow on the PE apparatus, You stub your toe on a stair, You catch on the railing, You scuff your other knee on the pavement. {= (set: $monster to true) (set: $red to false) You don't look [[back.|parkway]]

Across the street Through the narrow Alley between houses Duck under into the dark Where the estate opens to accept You as if it was a mother that Never had any other [[choice.|tower]]

A hollow climbs up through the giant, A concrete stairwell That worms a rectangular spiral Up the hip of the building. When the door is closed it goes dark in here. Light lingers from the balconies But it is close and slight. The ascending will be darker And darker still. --- You could climb the [[stairs]]. You could flee for your [[life|parkway]].

The first flight is breezy Spring steps taking twos and threes. A little ambient light from the balcony is preserved By the reinforced glass on a sealed doorway. You don't need it and don't think you'll ever miss it As you rise to the [[second flight]].

The second flight slips by quicker than the first The verse is the same And the light only fails Just enough to notice Before you hit the [[third]].

The third flight slows you down To a sensible climb, You've learned something about stairs; You can't race them forever. The light from the balcony is dim. It gets dimmer above. --- You consider turning [[back|tower]] But the light is waiting for you [[above]].

The fourth flight hurts. You flew over the early stairs Too recklessly. You didn't think about how your calves would cramp, How your sinews would stiffen, How the dark would descend on you as the light fails. --- Perhaps it's time to turn [[back]]. Perhaps you'll push up into the [[black]].

You descend the stairs And the dark descends with you, A second night folding over the first. You feel the thunder weight on your skull. Your legs wobble They fail The light fails Everything has failed. You go down behind the darkness. You follow it all the way to the [[end|Lucid]].

The fifth flight of stairs humbles you. You take it one step at a time, Breathing like a yogi, Shedding yourself As you appraoch The blind floors above. --- You wonder if it's too late to turn [[back]]. You wonder if you have the strength to [[keep going]].

The sixth flight of stairs Sees the last leak of light. You remember the better times On the floors below. You long for the release of the balcony But that way is shut And you are less than Half way up. --- You could turn [[back]]. You could press [[on]].

The seventh flight Is dark and stiffled like Sleep after middle age, Oxygen thin, Never quite enough, You wheeze on the unseen stairs. --- You must turn [[back]]. You must keep [[going]].

The eighth is a false peak, The darkness presses like fathoms. You remember when you flew, When your knees didn't bite you At every step. It could not possibly get worse. But it will. --- Turn [[back]]. Go [[on|ninth]].

You reach nine and forget what you are counting. You lose sensation in your steps. You forget the time before. You no longer know the destination. You cling to one orientation- Climb. --- [[back]]. [[on|tenth]].

It is dark And you are climbing. Whatever you were you left below. Whatever reaches the top Will be something else. --- [[back]]. [[on|eleventh]].

It is dark And you are climbing. --- [[back]]. [[on|twelth]].

It is dark And you are climbing. --- [[back]]. [[on|thirteenth]].

It is dark And you are climbing. --- [[back]]. [[on|balcony]].

Light opens onto a balcony at the end of the stairs. Night air fills your lungs, Wet vapour from low cloud. You're grateful To [[get out of the dark.]]

The balcony opens on the [[borough]] and beyond that to the lurking city. The muscles on your calves crawl up your legs. You remember [[vertigo]]. You step carefully to the dreadful heart Of the narrow walkway To the flat where the light is on And, like you are fishing for your soul, Reach down And catch your breath. {= (if: $gun is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a gun in your pocket.] ] (if: $gift is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a cutlass at your waist.] ] --- You could [[knock]]. You could turn around and go [[back]].

You see the tongue of the main road, Pearled with streetlights, The sigil shape of the intersection, A track-flash light up the crowded sky, The lamplight-snake of the slope down onto the common And, deep in the park, A white light That iluminates the error between the trees, A glass house Under a tiled roof, A wrong home in a place [[not for people|get out of the dark.]].

Climbing up a green slope through Clouds of hovering horse flies. A liberated child, Tyrant of every footstep of turf And of the stone face You pressed yourself against and claimed, Only to find You had betrayed yourself To a bad height Over an uncertain fall, And the sweat on your palms When you began to [[slip|get out of the dark.]].

{= (if: $salamander is true)[(goto: "knock2")] There is a sound from within, Like a gasp through a thick shroud. The door gives when you knock. The way is open If you want it. --- You could enter the [[flat]]. You could could make your way [[back]].

The flat is tight and strict, A creak-board corridor flanked by a narrow stair, And at the end of the hallway A linoleum light kitchen to the right And on the left, A room hidden in brown shadows, As if the air was full of clay. {= (if: $gun is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a gun in your pocket.] ] (if: $gift is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a cutlass at your waist.] ] (if: $wine is true)[(text-style:"sway")[You have a bottle of wine in your hand.] ] (if: $glass is 1)[You have an empty glass in your hand. ] (if: $glass is 2)[(text-style:"sway")[You have a glass of water in your hand.] ] --- You could explore the room on the [[left]]. You could explore the kitchen to the [[right]]. You could climb the [[stairs|bedroom]]. You could always just go [[back]].

The room is dimly lit By an oil lamp burning on a discrete [[altar]] Arranged politely on a satin cloth Draped over an old school table and Pushed perfect to the wall. The components of a face hang there, A red shawl roped like parting lips And a copper chain that suspends Two amulet plates the shape of cardamoms Painted to be eyes Half shut, Sensuous and imperious. {= (if: $gun is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a gun in your pocket.] ] (if: $gift is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a cutlass at your waist.] ] (if: $wine is true)[(text-style:"sway")[You have a bottle of wine in your hand.] ] (if: $glass is 1)[You have an empty glass in your hand. ] (if: $glass is 2)[(text-style:"sway")[You have a glass of water in your hand.] ] --- You could [[leave quietly|interflat]]. (if: $god is false)[You could speak to the [[god]].]

{= (if: $bruja is 2)[(goto: "bedroom2")] (if: $bruja is 3)[(goto: "bedroom3")] (if: $bruja is 4)[(goto: "bedroom4")] (if: $bruja is 5)[(goto: "bedroom5")] At the top of the stairs An old [[bruja]] lies in a hospital bed. She clings to a drip like A wizard's staff, Wears an oxygen hood like a cowl, Sports life support at her shoulder like a familiar. Its incantations are irregular and declining. Two white salamanders, A foot long if they're an inch, Pale like the lips of a minstrel. Lurk at her feet. They watch her. Fast breathing. Her mouth speaks, but you can't hear her Through the hood. (if: $gun is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a gun in your pocket.]] (if: $gift is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a cutlass at your waist.] ] (if: $wine is true)[(text-style:"sway")[You have a bottle of wine in your hand.] ] (if: $glass is 1)[You have an empty glass in your hand. ] (if: $glass is 2)[(text-style:"sway")[You have a glass of water in your hand.] ] --- You could [[lean in]] and listen to what she has to say. You could [[leave the room|flat]].

Conversation with the [[loa]] is not Like chatting to a neighbour, Everything is already known. All ways have been walked, Every word was long ago spoken. The god knows you, She can smell your ancestors All the way back to the [[swamp]].

Offerings of Christmas cake on broken china, A stopped wristwatch with an antique face, A butt of smudge burned down to the fingers, Smouldering incense And taffy [[tobacco|left]].

Don't question, Don't try to understand What over stands, That which fell from the black above, Climbed out of the black below And knows the crushing point Where all darkness [[meets|god]].

{= (if: $monster is true)[(goto:"gift")] You know She knows You are not ready for her gift Come back when you are blooded When you have made of yourself a [[monster|interflat]].

You know She knows That you have slain the beast And that you can kill another. She reaches into you and finds The part turned to iron, Fosters it like a seed And grows a cutlass out of your heart A machete blade Made to slaughter an animal. The handle is is made of two scales of pale wood She commands you to carry it {= (set: $gift to true) (set: $god to true) And be ready for the [[sacrifice]].

You tuck the matchete in your belt Like maroons did when They cut bush Or soldiers. But you're not in the bush. In the city You're just another maniac with knife. But the loa has invested you With her intent. You'll have to bear it all the way To the neck of its [[destination|interflat]].

A witch if you're [[nasty|bedroom]].

She says "Don't go into the house. Stay in the city, There is nothing on the other side But hurting, And trying hard, And never getting better. Believe me, I'm dying so I know. Now get me a glass of water, Dying is thirsty work." There is a glass by her bed, Black lipstick on the rim. You better take it. Never a good idea to deny a {= (set: $bruja to 2) (set: $glass to 1) Witch her [[dying wish|bedroom2]].

{= The bruja lies in her hospital bed Waiting for you to bring her water While the salamanders sit watching, Silk and sweatless. "Don't mind my sons" She whispers through the hood "They can't help what they are." {= (if: $gun is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a gun in your pocket.] ] (if: $gift is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a cutlass at your waist.] ] (if: $wine is true)[(text-style:"sway")[You have a bottle of wine in your hand.] ] (if: $glass is 1)[You have an empty glass in your hand. ] (if: $glass is 2)[(text-style:"sway")[You have a glass of water in your hand.] ] --- Nothing to do but [[leave|flat]].

The kitchen is cramped, A stainless steel diner style table Squares up against a sideboard, The gas range, A dripping sink, An open fridge With nothing inside but a broken light. A pair of [[moths]] circle a Naked bulb that blinds the ceiling. {= (if: $gun is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a gun in your pocket.] ] (if: $gift is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a cutlass at your waist.] ] (if: $wine is true)[(text-style:"sway")[You have a bottle of wine in your hand.] ] (if: $glass is 1)[You have an empty glass in your hand. ] (if: $glass is 2)[(text-style:"sway")[You have a glass of water in your hand.] ] --- You could return to the [[hallway|flat]]. (if: $bruja is 2)[You could fill the bruja's glass from the [[faucet]]. ] (if: $bruja is 4) [You could fill the glass [[again]]. ]

Hyles lineata, Sphinxes. False eyes flutter on their Mascara wing tips, Orbiting a false moon, In the midst of a false [[waking|right]].

Water flushes into the glass. The spillover erases Some of the black lip-print. A struggling sound comes from upstairs. Brief, but violent. You screw shut the tap. In the glass, particles of chalk settle {= (set: $bruja to 3) (set: $glass to 2) And [[clear|right]].

{= In the bedroom the bed is empty, The drip bleeds from the tip of a Discarded catheter. The oxygen hood is torn open and hisses disreputably. The life support machine blinks redundant. The salamanders stand beside the bed. They have grown Into two teeth-white boys. Smooth and bald and fiercly bland. They still have gills at their throats. No hair, no fingernails. Mild expressions. You set the glass on the table. {= (if: $gun is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a gun in your pocket.] ] (if: $gift is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a cutlass at your waist.] ] (if: $wine is true)[(text-style:"sway")[You have a bottle of wine in your hand.] ] (if: $glass is 1)[You have an empty glass in your hand. ] (if: $glass is 2)[(text-style:"sway")[You have a glass of water in your hand.] ] --- You could ask them [[what happened to their mother]], if you want to know. If they can even speak. Maybe there is nothing left but to leave the flat and go [[back]].

One of them winces at the question And looks away. The other holds you gaze and says "She died." You ask where her body is. "It flew away." He said "Witches fly away when they die, [[Didn't you know that?"]]

Before you can speak The salamander seizes the glass of water And drains it, One gulp, Leaking at the gills. "My brother is thirsty too." He says. "Get him a glass of water please." He hands you the glass. The lipstick print on the rim {= (set: $bruja to 4) (set: $glass to 1) Has gone from black to bloody [[red|bedroom4]].

The salamanders wait by the empty bed. The silent one watches you His chest swelling as he eats the air. The one who speaks stares vacantly ahead, Waiting for you to fetch the water. {= (if: $gun is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a gun in your pocket.] ] (if: $gift is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a cutlass at your waist.] ] (if: $wine is true)[(text-style:"sway")[You have a bottle of wine in your hand.] ] (if: $glass is 1)[You have an empty glass in your hand. ] (if: $glass is 2)[(text-style:"sway")[You have a glass of water in your hand.] ] --- [[Leave|flat]].

Water fills the glass again, The particles of chalk Dance up towards the brim as the tap gushes. There is a hard creak from the bedroom above. Decisive. No struggle this time. At the rim of the glass The red lip-print {= (set: $bruja to 5) (set: $glass to 2) Bleeds pink into the [[water|right]].

There is only one salamander in the bedroom now. He is twice the height he was before, Five feet maybe, With the look of a slight young man. The gills flutter at his throat But they are narrower Like on a shark. He shows his first smile. Salamander teeth. Pinpricks. You place the glass upon the table. He does not thirst for water anymore. {= (if: $gun is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a gun in your pocket.] ] (if: $gift is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a cutlass at your waist.] ] (if: $wine is true)[(text-style:"sway")[You have a bottle of wine in your hand.] ] (set: $glass to 0) --- You could ask [[what happened to his brother]]. You could flee from the flat and go [[back]]. (if: $gun is true)[You could [[shoot him in the head]]. ] (if: $gift is true)[You could [[chop the salamander's throat]]. ]

The salamander shrugs "He went out." Went out where? "I don't know, I'm not his keeper." Blood mashes between his teeth as he [[speaks]].

You draw the machete and swing Like you once saw an old man open a coconut. //Snack snack// You make a wedge where the spine is Cut out the reflexes Blood foam beaches in the salamander's smile The eyes go blind //Snack snack// Your blade cuts again unbidden You strike out of horror Seperating an arm at the shoulder A hand at the wrist The smell of blood makes you sick in your mouth //Snack snack// You cut away his blank expression //Snack snack// His flat torso //Snack snack// Turn the white skin scarlet. The blade trembles in your hand But will not fall And you [[retch|wretch]].

The pistol fires Three times The muzzleflare lights up the air Impotently. Shots on the salamander are duds Shells with no bullet that can perice his Clean flesh. He [[lunges]].

Teeth puncture your neck. They summon an ancestral memory of pain When the predator caught some grandsire by the throat And tore through, just like this. Your mind flies away before the salamander returns for the second bite. Slips out of the top of your skull and floats off into the black Where the press of cloud seperates Into void. You don't need to reach for it You'll pass away into the black {= (set: $salamander to true) And the innevitable [[end|Lucid]].

You lose consciousness As your mind flees from the scene of the crime. Although a part of you thinks that It is justice to save your own life. But you feel the face of the loa Lurking in the black of your head She says it was too soon. She tells you, when you find your way back {= (set: $salamander to true) To bide your god damned [[time]].

You were never equal to this horror. The knowledge is a relief Even as it destroys your mind. The loa dredges the deep darkness Up from your unconscious Like she is drawing a shroud over a corpse Or a blanket over a restless child. You let the black cover you As if you ever had a choice, As if everything was not at it's [[end|Lucid]].

"I'm scared" Says the salamander "I don't want to be alone." You tell him you need to leave. He tells you "That's okay, we'll leave together." And he [[lunges]].

You take the stairs. They are tall and they take the breath out of you. Behind you the lights go out as the darkness chases you up into the station. At the shutters there is no guard, But instead the salamander is waiting. [[Taller]] now, Stronger. Street lights gleam on the puddles outside. It's bright in here but you could wish that it were darker. {= (set: $hunger to 1) (if: $gift is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a cutlass at your waist.]] --- No turning back from here, nothing to go but out onto go out into the [[street]]. (if: $gift is true)[Or if you have the nerve, you could [[chop the salamander's throat]].]

7 feet if he is an inch, And he's grown nails, And hair on his chin And around the red slits of his [[gills|station2]].

The salamander steps back as you approach the school, There is no fear in his eyes But who are you to read the eyes Of an amphibian? They watch you tresspass from the street {= {= (set: $hunger to 1) And await your [[return|window]].

(if: $salamander is true)[(goto: "waits")] (else:[(goto: "window")]

(if: $salamander is true)[(goto: "towerwaits")] (else:[(goto: "stairwell")]

The salamander visibly recoils as you approach the tower. You can't read his page white expression But there is surely something up there He is still afraid of. He watches you enter from the courtyard And [[waits|lift]].

As you take the stairs to the 13th floor, Something lightens the way. The darkness that pressed, seems to swell beneath you An adrenal surge sends you flying 2, 3, 4 steps at a time. It is as if the black is urging you on Or, Maybe it is just Primitive [[terror|balcony]].

There is no answer when you knock. The door is open. You can feel the emptiness of the house Like an ache. Nothing to do But [[enter|flat2]].

The flat is tight and strict, A creak-board corridor flanked by a narrow stair, And at the end of the hallway A linoleum light kitchen to the right And on the left, A room hidden in brown shadows, As if the air was full of clay. {= (if: $gun is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a gun in your pocket.] ] (if: $gift is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a cutlass at your waist.] ] (if: $wine is true)[(text-style:"sway")[You have a bottle of wine in your hand.] ] --- You could explore the room on the [[left]]. You could explore the kitchen to the [[right|right2]]. You could climb the [[stairs|bedroom6]]. You could return to the courtyard [[below|tower]].

{= In the bedroom the bed is empty, The drip bleeds from the tip of a Discarded catheter. The oxygen hood is torn open and hisses disreputably. The life support machine blinks redundant. {= (if: $gun is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a gun in your pocket.] ] (if: $gift is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a cutlass at your waist.] ] (if: $wine is true)[(text-style:"sway")[You have a bottle of wine in your hand.] ] --- There is nothing left in this room but to [[forget it|flat2]].

The kitchen is cramped, A stainless steel diner style table Squares up against a sideboard, The gas range, A dripping sink, An open fridge With nothing inside but a broken light. The moths that circled the naked bulb are [[gone]]. {= (if: $gun is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a gun in your pocket.] ] (if: $gift is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a cutlass at your waist.] ] (if: $wine is true)[(text-style:"sway")[You have a bottle of wine in your hand.] ] --- You could return to the [[hallway|flat2]].

They found a way out, Broke themselves of their light bulb mania Or perhaps they Finally touched the light And were burned [[away|right2]].

(if: $salamander is true)[(goto: "flat2")] (else:)[(goto: "flat")]

You //think// 'man'. They wear six layers of rain mac, Puffer jacket, Two jumpers, T-shirt and vest top, A balaclava and a Tam O'Shanter, Fingerless gloves under mittens with finger flaps, Long johns, jogging bottoms, cargo pants, Christmas stocking socks And Timberland boots Wrapped up in a pair of plastic bags. Anything could be under there. You are only sure That they are [[breathing|park]].

The man shuffles in his many folds And makes space for you on the bench. Protected by the canopy, The surface is suprisingly dry. "Sit" He says As if he has been expecting you. But a man like him Expects nothing. And gets what he [[expects]].

You take a walk into the woods. As you approach the tree shadows grow long, The downpour has stripped their leaves so The branches reach like slender fingers Caressing the radiant way that leads You into the heart. The light in the forest is not so very bright, Except that it does not belong And against the black vault It is [[blinding|glasshouse]].

The man rubs his hands together and blows Like he is whispering them a secret. The tips of his fingers are heart attack blue. "It's a cold night" He says Looking towards the woods where the weird light shines "Without conversation(if: $drink is false)[ or a drink]." He has a look that knows things And that makes you think about [[what you've seen]] And how long and dark the night. Unbidden, he speaks. {= (if: $gun is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a gun in your pocket.]] (if: $gift is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a cutlass at your waist.] ] (if: $wine is true)[(text-style:"sway")[You have a bottle of wine in your hand.] ] (if: $salamander is true)[(text-style:"blur","fidget")[The salamander keeps his distance and averts his gaze.] ] --- Listen to him talk about the [[white light]]. Listen to him talk about the [[green light]]. Listen to him talk about the [[red light]]. Listen to him talk about the [[yellow light]]. Listen to him talk about the [[dark|darkness]]. (if: $wine is true)[Give him your wine in return for a [[secret]]. ] Or you could give him your best regards and just [[go|park]].

(if: $salamander is true)[(goto: "hangback")] (else:[(goto: "talk")]

As you approach the bench The salamander twitches and steps back. He detects you watching him And steps back again Out of your periphery. Respect, or embarrassment {= (set: $hunger to 1) Or the instincts of a [[lesser predator|talk]].

{= You've seen a white light in the woods. (if: $shopsee is true)[You've seen a green light on a shop. ] (if: $schoolsee is true)[You've seen a red light in a school. ] (if: $towersee is true)[You've seen a yellow light on a tower. ] You've seen a black sky [[without end|expects]].

"You've seen the light in the woods? That's the house outside. Everybody will tell you to stay away, But you're bound to try to go in eventually. You can't stall [[forever]]."

"If you go looking for monsters You can find them, Every childhood Contains a beast. The gods are impressed by dragon slayers, Come correct to the heart, Bring a weapon and Be prepared to use it. Shoot out the light And become the [[nightmare the world is waiting for|expects]]."

"Nobody really likes cereal It's sawdust, Vegetable surplus, Dried out cut off. What people really like Is the prize That comes In the [[box|expects]]."

"I knew the witch in the [[before]], I know the god she knows And what it takes to please her. All of us are made of bad chances And mistakes. The god can give you a way out If you will correct one, Come to her if you have killed a dragon And she will give you a knife To cut out the [[tumour|expects]]."

You hand the man the bottle. He takes it in reverent silence, And turns it in his hands. The liquid sloshes warmly behind the glass, The oozing drip as it revolves Tells on its viscosity. The man excavates his jacket for a pocket knife And with a merciless blow Sabers the head. {= (set: $wine to false) (set: $drink to true) The air smells of tannins and [[ferment]].

"You don't understand the darkness I can tell, You think its chasing you? Mate you came looking for it, You longed for it, You are here because This is exactly where you Want to [[be]].

He means cancer, You know. Its a word you can smell in sublimations. You get that way after The chemical dive, The ray burn, The barium meals. You don't get better Nobody will ever say you are [[healed|yellow light]].

"But you have to exchange something. You can't get out Unless you leave something behind, Cut out the weight That will kill you on the other side. Don't go into the house Unless you have a [[sacrifice|expects]]."

"You need to stop being scared of the dark, It's the light that hurts you. The darkness only helps you [[sleep|expects]]."

The man gulps down the wine, Glugs on the neck til his lips burn. When he withdraws you can see they were cut On the razor edge of the throat. He offers you a [[drink]], And then tells you his [[secret|reveal]].

You partake and you cut your lip, It tastes of cheap wine and type AB. You remember one of the thousand reasons You don't drink anymore. You loved in error, And took a bottle of scotch and three of wine To correct the mistake. Alcohol poisoning would have put A better looked after body in hospital. Instead you woke up in a field full of cabbages, A horizon of them Like green brains somewhere off the motorway. Voiceless heads forever And in your brain [[Noise|ferment]].

"The salamander is part of you Only you can cut it out, And only with a weapon that Was grown inside you. But don't strike out of fear. Bide your time, Lead it all the way to the end. Even here Life is a puzzle Made of yourself by forces not of your choosing. You have to see all the parts, Every colour on the cube, Before it can be [[solved|expects]]."

[#''LUCID''] #####By Caliban's Revenge ####[[Begin|Lucid]] #####[[Information and Credits]]

Lucid is an interactive fiction game created by means of Twine version 2.3.16, Harlowe 3.2.3 and the frantic keyboard mashings of ''Caliban's Revenge''. Thankyou to my playtesters: ''Lauren Reisfield'', ''Kieran O'Mant'', ''Jess Potts'', ''Jody Bekhoukh'', ''Dualta Wilson'' and ''Kathleen MacLean''. And especially to ''Lauren O'Donoghue'' who introduced me to the system and taught me to make it speak. Without her help this game would be unplayable. [[Return|Titles]]

Double-click this passage to edit it.

In the middle of the park, in the wood, there is a house out of place. It is two storeys tall and its walls are transparent and From every lamp, fixture and sconce White light pours into the offended dark. The furnishings are immaculate, Well appointed. The living room looks unlived in and the bathroom is stainless. It looks like a trap set for human beings. There is a faint outline, like scored glass in the shape of a door At the end of a cobbled path, But the way is locked. A cat sits on the invisible porch, A black mog with a white mouth. There is a [[sting behind your eyes]], like a scratch from an impatient paw. {= (set: $hunger to 1) (if: $gun is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a gun in your pocket.] ] (if: $gift is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[You have a cutlass at your waist.] ] (if: $wine is true)[(text-style:"sway")[You have a bottle of wine in your hand.] ] (if: $salamander is true)[(text-style:"fidget")[The salamander cowers before the feline sentry.] ] --- You could return to the [[common|park]]. (if: ($salamander is true) and ($gift is true))[You could [[chop the salamander's throat|behead]]. ] (if: ($salamander is true) and ($gun is true))[You could [[shoot the salamander in the head|shoot him in the head]]. ]

Like all cats, the animal is telepathic. She speaks to you without words or images But in definite and dire intentions. The gist is, She is the keeper of the house outside, The part of this place that doesn't belong. It leads to the other side, Another city beyond the dark. Entry requires a sacrifice. Something must be given up to the dark, Weight shed. {= (if: $salamander is true)[You bear a heavy load, ] (if: $gift is true)[You are prepared for the surgery, ] (if: $salamander is false)[But you must find the tumour. ] (if: $gift is false)[You must carry a knife. ] (if: ($gift is true) and ($salamander is true))[If you have the stomach for it Then [[cut|glasshouse]]. ] (else:)[Return when you are [[prepared|glasshouse]]. ]

The salamander doesn't resist Or even flinch when you raise the cutlass to your shoulder. He doesn't bow his head in submission, He doesn't bare his pinprick teeth or scowl or act like The animal it would be easier to erase. Your gaze locks, And something is not so much exchanged between you As [[recognised]].

You feel the weight of him on your neck Size of a basketball, weight of a clay pigeon. You feel him stir under your ear, Hard fluid drained from your shared veins. You know that every cell in him is identical To every cell in you and that they are not Forgeries, Every inch of malignant lymph is authentic. His gills flare And you feel yourself in Him in you And that is when you swing. The head falls and the body falls And the light from the house is as bright As a [[hospital ward]].

The cat purrs And the glass way is open. Stairs lead up from the ground floor, Thick beige carpet and scrolled banisters. It occurs to you that this is a house that could have been If no one had ever done it the injury of living there. The stairs climb to a landing where the light Is so bright it burns colours on your retinas. Overhead the black sky begins its descent, Peeling itself back from the stars, Crawling up from the grass beneath your feet. Remain and it will [[swallow you]].

In your mind you hear the no-speak of the cat sentry, She tells you that the light up there is very bright That perhaps you are sleeping in a bed that is on fire, Or a blood vessel has burst in your brain. Maybe the war they always threatened has finnaly started, Maybe the tides have risen, Maybe the sun is burning you to cinders. Or maybe there is nothing on the other side but more of the same, Nothing but trying hard And never getting better. The one thing that is certain is that on the other side You will eventually die. [[You cannot escape the dark.]]

The black floods through the wood, Swallowing shadows and growing in purpose, Closing on you like a closing mouth- The only way out is the light at the top of the stairs It burns your skin like an x-ray. (align:"=><=")+(box:"X=")[Now is the time to [[flee into the light|Flee]] or [[wait until the dark.|Wait]]]

Your heart races you into the house outside As the darkness falls in a disintegrating wave. You have rejected the night, And in the white hot glare it cannot reach you, Cannot fill your heart with terror, Cannot torture you with your memories, Cannot humble you Or teach or you Or soothe you Or save you from the [[fire]].

You stop at the edge of the glare and the blackness finds you, It doesn't have far to look. It begins at the bottom of you and at the farthest outside, It is the deepest well, Vastest ocean, Blackest hole, The heart of every pinprick of light. Every kind of bad memmory is therein contained, Planets ground to stardust, The extinction of species, Industrial genocides, Atomic violence, Generations of cruelty and panic. The darkness remembers, It swallows the pain and holds it away from the light. It's the sun that swallows worlds, The darkness does nothing but wait At the end, And the [[begining]].

(set: $salamander to false) (set: $gift to false) (set: $hunger to 0) (set: $red to true) (set: $god to false) (set: $monster to false) (set: $schoolsee to false) (set: $towersee to false) (set: $shopsee to false) (goto: "Lucid")

The light is too bright, It erases you on the stairs Long before you reach the landing. You crumble like a drunk in headlights, Like skin under a radiation lamp, Like a long fall under a relentless sun. Everything that you are is already burning, Every step you have taken erodes Down to the ashes, The rudiment That is blacker than anything The cat was right, there is no escaping the [[dark|final]].

(enchant:?page,(bg:(gradient: 0, 0.107,#ffffff,1,#000000,1,#ffffff)))The darkness was never chasing you. It was in you all along, Filling you with terror, Building a sabre inside you- A weapon to wield in the light. You step into the blinding glare of the house outside, When you climb the stair [[The black climbs with you]].

(enchant:?page,(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)) Your eyes are black in the blinding light and you are [[lucid|endgame]]

(restart:)

At the last cinder of yourself, The voice of the loa speaks; "The light will take everything But I will remain. Begin again, And if you mean to win Remember the lesson of [[surrender|reset]]."